Been there, done that messed around
I’m having fun, don’t put me down
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet
This time, baby, I’ll be bulletproof
La Roux – Bulletproof Lyrics
So literally the day after my previous post of ‘seek and you wont find’ I found someone. We clocked each other at the airport, making the one hour flight from Luang Prapang to Hanoi. I immediately found myself drawn to his overgrown stubble (leaning towards beard, but not quite there), his hunky physique, rounded belly, cute smile and dishevelled dark hair. Also the guitar that he was obviously lugging around the world gave him that extra touch of ‘artsy’ that I sometimes quite like (or maybe its just the image of a cold winter night around a bonfire singing with an acoustic guitar that does it for me). We do the usual side glances and bashful coy smiles before boarding the plane. Maybe it was the whisky both I and my travel companion had drunk (forced upon us by the wonderful owner of the Khammany inn, Luang Prabang) that made my leering all the more obvious. After going through customs he makes a beeline as I try to take money out of the ATM, which provided the opportunity to have a riveting conversation on conversion rates an ‘oh my God, how many millions am I taking out in VND???’. Parting ways we say goodbye, no names exchanged just the inevitable fact of two travellers going their separate ways into the big enticing city of Hanoi.
Although, it didn’t quite end there. Around 9pm he saunters past us sitting outside a restaurant, spotting me, Ed and another fellow traveller we had managed to pick up at the airport (as you do). We chat and do the shy introductions. Leaning away I try to play the ‘cool, calm and collected’ card but instead just dribbled noodle soup everywhere. As Hanoi’s nightly curfew came to an end at 12am we parted ways until the following day with plans for us all to take on the town with as much full force as one can with such an early curfew.
Now if you add it up – all these synchronicities – it can evoke a certain number of feelings. That bubbling, tingling ‘oh I’ve met someone’ feeling that can leave you floating around, practically in a daze of lust, love and infatuation. Suddenly the horrendously chaotic traffic of Hanoi – where you wonder if your toes are going to make it across the road, never mind the rest of your body – becomes irrelevant. To have both been in Bangkok on the same day without knowing, then Luang Prabang and then Hanoi….It can make you wonder. But I am no longer that girl anymore. Call me cynical, call me bitter and pessimistic but my bullshit radar is so finely tuned that not even Casanova himself could have worked his magic….(maybe Ryan Gosling but lets stick to the story here). It was just a few comments, which mostly involved him asking me back to his….for cuddles. Now this was the deal breaker and I indeed told him so.
Indeed, the world of travelling is of course a full blown, life changing, magical journey where there can be lots of sun, sea, sand and sex sex sex. Hats off to those who choose to throw caution to the wind and get down and dirty in the hotels of Hanoi, the beaches of Thailand, the grungy back alleys of Europe, but I just cant. For him I was a ‘passing through’ attraction. He played the game well in all fairness, with invitations for both myself and Ed to stay in his home town, then invitations for me to join him on his travels, then more offers of amazing dates that he just could not wait to take me on. And on and on. Compliments thrown right, left and centre. Couldn’t he see me withdrawing from him with every word then fell out of his mouth? Of course not, he had a time limit. One more night to ‘get lucky’.
We spoke about attraction. ‘What if you met someone and you just had that immediate attraction where you both wanted to sleep with one another and that was just it. Something you both felt the urge for…That animal instinct of attraction…Haven’t you ever felt that?’ He asked, pleadingly. ‘No’ I replied. Tough crowed you may think but personally, it needs to be built up. Maybe a friendship that just blossoms. Maybe I’m just at the age where a slow burn is what I need. Just to have that continuous warmth, not the hot, searing fire that leaves the scars before you’ve even realised you’ve been burned. Give me the Ferris wheel instead of the rollercoaster as experience has me believe that sometimes the ups and downs are just not worth it.
We parted ways with little else to say. I was not another badge for his travel humpathon backpack. You are passing through this adrenaline packed city. I am not. He tried and failed but of course I will be forgotten as soon as he arrives at his next destination, where there will be another, more willing participant.